I have decided to write this weeks diary of a mum to be a little differently. This weeks is written for you, my unborn son. I talk to you all the time and engage with you as much I can by playing back with your kicks and nudges, but there is something about pen to paper (or actually, finger to keyboard) that helps you clear thoughts and put them right in your head. Preparing for Motherhood is quite overwhelming and I wanted to take some time to reflect on a few things.
This week will be the 35th week of growing and carrying you. Apparently you are the size of a honeydew melon and gaining weight rapidly (still).
However, also over the last few weeks there has been some fucked up shit happening in the world and frankly, its quite scary to think I am bringing an innocent person into this world.
We are also going through a UK election and for the first time ever, I am taking some serious interest so I can vote for what will help you. Help towards put some of these things that are causing damage to the world put right so you live in a safer environment. This, and recent events, has really started to make me see and feel things in a new perspective now I am pregnant. All part of the duty of motherhood I suppose.
Upsettingly, what’s happened recently in the news isn’t the first time and it wont be the last, and I hate to think that what we are seeing will become normal to you. I haven’t even met you yet, but I know that my love for you is a love I have never felt before and you have already become my number 1 priority in life. I want to protect you, provide for you and keep you safe, which I know I can and will but only to a certain extend.
We have just had 3 terror attacks in 3 months. All different situations that will forever be an imprint in this world now. You will hear about them, plus many others and unfortunately maybe have to wake up one day and read and see about more that have happened since. One day I will tell you about Micayla, a relative in the USA we lost because some act of evil struck while she was at the cinema. It will forever be something I struggle to get my head around, but I am not going to pretend it didn’t happen.
Even if I wanted to, I cant hide this stuff from you. The reason I don’t want to hide it from you, is because I am not going to stop you from living your life and experiencing the world. So despite all the evil things, 100 other amazing things will happen. I promise that I will not wrap you up (too much) in cotton wool and hold you back just because I am scared of what might go wrong. Your daddy and I bonded over adventures and how it was important to create memories when we first met, and that is still an important part of life for us. No matter how big or small they maybe, they are still what makes life yours.
Life is defiantly for living and taking risks and I will encourage you, support you and drive you to achieve great things. You need to still go out to the cinema, see gigs, go to the pub with your friends and live normal everyday life and no matter what happens we will deal with it together. As a family.
Your daddy makes me feel safe, he is my rock and has helped me through all my worries and anxieties since we have been together. Last night, he put his arms around me and told me he will protect me, and I genuinely believe him. He will be an amazing role model for you and if I ask of anything from you, it is to trust us. Trust that you can tell us anything, share your thoughts and feelings because I promise that together it is easier.
Your arrival is also bringing together two families, the Longhi’s and the Hurd’s! Its a little scary, however, you will be surrounded by two incredibly loving families that will both teach you so many amazing things. You will be loved so much and have one big support network, I can promise you that.
We have been busy this weekend getting ready for you, my bag is packed for the hospital and the flat is nearly ready for you to come and make your mark here. You could arrive anytime from next week and I am not sure that’s really kicked in yet. There is so much to think about little man, I’m focusing on preparing to finish work, trying to get my head and body prepared for going through birth, making sure we have all we need for when we bring you home, and that’s just a tiny bit off the list.
Motherhood is already a magical, scary, overwhelming and fulfilling role, I wouldn’t change my massive belly, my swollen feet and the 1000 trips to the toilet a day for anything, because it just means you are one step closer to being here, and I cannot wait to meet you, no matter what state the world is in, we will make it as safe for you, and give you as many adventures as we can. We love you little man xx